“I couldn’t believe you were the first of the group to get pregnant! You were, like,the straight-A student, always had the best grades, the one who stayed home instead of partying, you were the responsible one! What happened?”

Written by Stephanie

The misconceptions surrounding young mothers are endless. While some occur as a result of fear for the struggles the young mom will go through, some come about as consequence of ignorant and judgmental individuals. Yes, we know that statistics do not favor us. But please, treat each situation according to the individual. In many cases, being a “young mom” can be held as a positive or negative event depending on different cultures and societies. Whether we see them or not, they exist and for the most part result to be irritating for young moms like myself. Here are some of them:

Irresponsible

Many people assume that because someone is pregnant at a young age, they were irresponsible during sex. Not very often do people wonder whether it was a planned pregnancy which at times, is the case.

The label of being “irresponsible” is very hurtful because not only does it question the very decision and event of the pregnancy, but also the character of the mom. This judgment can live on for years. I remember a friend of mine who became pregnant at 17 told me she was relieved to turn 30 because it felt as though she was the adequate age for being a mom according to society. She felt it was a plus to not have people judging her and asking about the close age difference with her son.

Lacking good judgment

Oh boy! This is a good one. I remember speaking to a lady once who couldn’t piece together why I was keeping my baby. She was so condescending to me, making comments as if I was stupid to even want to move forward with my pregnancy. “You are so young! Have you thought about…you know…”

When I told her keeping my baby was my decision and that things would be fine she said, “Oh, I get it. You are religious right? You probably have to keep it.” Despite all the ignorant things this woman said to me, I couldn’t help being upset at the way she expressed herself about my baby. The negative tone, the way she said “it,” all of that. Don’t get me wrong. I am well aware and support women in their decision to either continue or end a pregnancy. However, why discourage a committed couple who have their own apartment, work full-time and are completely on board to be parents from doing so just because of their age?

Uneducated/Broken family

Sadly, there is the annoying image that many have when thinking of a young mom; high school drop-out living in a poor neighborhood, daughter of a single mom who is ready to become a “welfare queen” and perpetuate this culture. This is not true! Like myself, there are young moms who are college students/graduates with a normal life, who are very well paying their bills and providing their kids a decent life.

The reality of the matter is unique to each individual and there shouldn’t be an assumption that blames the pregnancy of a young woman on her family background or in any case dictate what she will become as result of her decision to have a baby.

Living off the government

Adding to the previous misconception is the idea that young moms are unemployed women with multiple kids who get public assistance to the expense of the hard-working common man.

While some women have sadly been abandoned/or separated their partner and need the extra help from government programs, the reality is not the same for everyone. In fact, there are many amazing young moms who have multiple jobs, are super independent and sometimes are deemed to make “too much” money to even qualify for any help.

Despite of this, these women continue to show their children a valuable example of self-reliance, hard work and perseverance. The same is true for many young moms who are facing difficulties and are receiving government help. Benefiting from government assistance should not automatically categorize a woman as anything in particular. What matters is her struggle and whether she is making an honest effort to raise her children as well as advancing her education in order to no longer need public assistance. One thing is sure though, anything but supporting words is definitely not helpful and make it even harder for young moms to fight these unfair list of assumptions.

Single mother

More often than not, I’ve been presumed to be a single mother. I’ve faced this reoccurring theme more than I can remember and it happens even when I am wearing my wedding band.

I’m not sure if it’s because of statistics, or because I look so young that people think I’m immature to even sustain a marriage or any sort of relationship. Perhaps the very idea of me taking care and raising another human being is inconceivable at first sight. Perhaps people have been programmed to believe that the responsibilities involved in being a parent are so overwhelmingly difficult that anyone under age 30 is deemed incapable of doing it, and if so, the child is probably in a one-parent, unstable, broken family home.

While I believe that being a parent is a major lifetime responsibility and commitment, I do not agree that only people over the age of 30 or 35 can be successful parents like many like to believe.

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Teen Pregnancy- New York City Ads

Written by Stephanie

It’s been years since the controversy started. While this is a very interesting topic to me, I never really got the chance to discuss it with anyone. When I first saw the ads in New York, I didn’t know what to think. All I knew was the fact that I was the mother of a 2-year-old boy, whom I’ve had as a teen.

I tried to imagine what my reaction would have been back then, had I seen the ads while I was pregnant. Perhaps it would have made me feel fearful, hopeless, alone. Perhaps it would have further confirmed my intentions of becoming a mother. Until today, I still wonder, with no success of a solid answer, what effect it would have had on me. However, there are many others who were deeply affected by these ads and it’s thus fair to discuss.

In 2013 and 2014, NYC trains, buses as well as bus stops displayed the ads below regarding teen pregnancy.

They were part of an initiative by the NYC Human Resource Administration, specifically the Department of Social Services to prevent teen pregnancy. Soon after their display around the city, a vast majority of residents were rather dismayed as people felt these ads offended young pregnant teens and mothers who had children at a young age. In addition, the criticism pointed to the direction that there were better strategies to help prevent unwanted pregnancies without the need to antagonize young parents.

Click here to read The New York Times article on this topic.

In a later article, The New York Times stated that a decrease in teen pregnancy in America can be credited to the popular MTV show “16 and Pregnant.” According to the article, although many critics believe that the show might portray teen pregnancy as normal and customary, they believe that in turn, seeing the reality of being a teen mom through the experiences of young girls can have more impact than most public efforts to decline teen pregnancies. You can find the article here.

Planned Parenthood condemned the advertisements by stating they displayed “stigmatizing, fear-based messages” and demanded they are taken down. Organizations collected signatures to ban the ads saying that thanks to these counterproductive efforts, the stigma on teen parents have once again been revived.

Join the Conversation: Let me know in the comment section what you think about these advertisements in NYC trains and buses. Did you find such posters helpful or offensive? Have you seen these ads or similar ones in your city? What was your reaction?

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